Let me start with this—I was clueless about investing.
Like, zero clue. Zilch. Nada.
I thought “diversification” was a fancy term for splitting your lunch with a coworker, and “portfolio” sounded like something artsy people carried around in leather binders. I used to believe the stock market was only for people in suits named Chad who drank $14 cold brews and knew what the heck a “REIT” was.
But here I am now, sipping coffee I made myself (thank you, inflation) and watching my little starter investment portfolio do its thing.
If you’re starting at $0 and thinking, “There’s no way I can get into this,” buckle up, my friend. I’ve been where you are—and you absolutely can.
Why I Finally Got Off the Fence
So here’s the deal: I used to think I needed a ton of cash to invest.
I had this mental image of a broker yelling into a phone while holding a cigar and yelling “BUY BUY BUY!” like I was in a low-budget Wall Street sequel. But what really got me off my butt was a moment of panic during a late-night doomscroll session.
You know the type—reading about rising costs, dwindling savings accounts, and how a dollar doesn’t go as far as it used to.
And there I was. Sitting in my mismatched socks, eating peanut butter out of the jar, wondering how I’d survive past 65.
It hit me like a poorly timed TikTok ad: I had to start something. Anything.
Step 1: Start With What You’ve Got (Even If It’s Just Spare Change)
Now this might sound obvious, but it’s worth repeating:
You do not need a ton of money to start investing. In fact, I started with $5. Yes, five bucks. Less than the cost of a fast-food combo meal (which I skipped that week, you’re welcome arteries).
There are platforms out there that let you invest spare change. I turned on a feature that rounded up my debit card purchases and invested the difference. That was it. I didn’t even notice it was happening. It was like magic, except instead of pulling a rabbit out of a hat, it was fractional shares of index funds.
Did I become a millionaire overnight? No.
But that tiny action broke the seal. It was like my brain went, “Okay, maybe this isn’t rocket science.”
Step 2: Learn the Lingo (Without Falling Asleep)
Let me be real—some of the investing jargon out there is snooze-worthy. Equities, mutual funds, asset allocation… It felt like I needed a decoder ring just to read a beginner’s article.
So I broke it down into bite-sized chunks:
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Stock = tiny ownership in a company
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ETF = basket of investments (kinda like a fruit salad of stocks)
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Bond = you’re lending money to someone (and praying they pay you back)
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Index Fund = a curated playlist of the market’s greatest hits
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Compound Interest = interest earning interest (this one’s )
And the golden rule? The earlier you start, the more time that magical compound interest has to work its wizardry. Even if it’s just $20 a month.
Step 3: Automate It or Forget It (Literally)
I don’t trust myself to remember birthdays, let alone consistently transfer money into investments. So I set it up to happen automatically.
Every two weeks, a small amount goes from my checking account into my investment account. I barely notice it, but guess what? It’s working.
It’s like planting a money tree and watering it with your eyes closed. Every month, that account grows—sometimes up, sometimes down, but always trending in the right direction long-term.
If you’re a chronic overthinker (guilty ), automation is your best friend. It removes your emotions from the equation, which let’s face it, are usually just caffeine and regret.
Step 4: Don’t Freak Out When the Market Dips
Look, the stock market is kind of like that friend who’s super fun but unpredictable.
One day they’re buying you lunch and quoting inspirational podcasts. The next, they ghost you for a week and show up with a questionable haircut.
There will be dips. You’ll log in, see your portfolio down a few bucks (or a few hundred later), and your gut reaction will be to pull the plug.
Don’t.
This is where most people mess up—they panic sell, lock in their losses, and swear off investing forever.
Here’s what I told myself: “I’m not investing for next month. I’m investing for future-me who wears linen pants on a Tuesday and has ‘passive income’.”
Step 5: Make It Yours
Not every investment path fits everyone.
Some folks love real estate. Others are obsessed with dividend-paying stocks. Personally, I’m a fan of broad-market index funds because they’re simple, low-fee, and I don’t have to watch CNBC while pretending I understand the bond yield curve.
Figure out what aligns with your risk tolerance and lifestyle. And please, don’t compare your journey to your friend who made 80% gains off a meme stock. That’s not investing—that’s gambling with a profile pic.
Your plan should feel like a comfy hoodie, not a straitjacket.
Step 6: Celebrate the Small Wins
I’ll never forget the day I hit $1,000 in my portfolio.
I did a ridiculous little dance in my kitchen (which I later regretted because I knocked over a plant). But that feeling? Pure gold.
It wasn’t about the amount. It was about becoming the type of person who invests. The kind of person who takes ownership of their financial future, even when it feels awkward and slow and sometimes boring.
Each milestone—your first $100, $500, $1,000—is proof that you’re doing the thing.
Key Takeaways: From “I Got Nothing” to “I’m Building Something”
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You can start investing with $0 (okay, maybe like $5, but close enough)
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Learn enough to feel confident—not overwhelmed
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Automate everything to stay consistent
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Don’t panic when things dip
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Choose what works for your style (you’re not your neighbor Dave)
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Celebrate the heck out of your progress
Final Thoughts: Future You Will Thank You
If you’re still hesitating, wondering if you’re “too late” or “not smart enough” or “not a finance person”—stop.
You don’t need a finance degree. You don’t need a six-figure salary. You just need a little bit of courage and a willingness to learn as you go.
Start where you are. Use what you’ve got. Grow from there.
And who knows? One day, you might be the one writing a post like this… with mismatched socks and a peanut butter spoon in hand.
Thanks for coming to my TED(ish) talk. Now go start that portfolio.